Hello world! 'on writing'

Strength, is infinite, sometimes we all won't know our real strength unless  we know what’s important to us and the reason why they are important to us…

Again my words of wisdom that even I can't follow and comprehend. These words suddenly bubble-popped into my head, if that makes any sense. At 23 I feel like I have suddenly gained the wisdom of an 80 year old woman. With it, I was robbed of my courage, my spontaneity,  my innocence and free nature. I miss not knowing anything. It might seem stupid to some, but I realized that it's not good to know everything, the wonder seizes. The sparkle that triggers imagination and curiosity - gone. 

I can't help but try to remember myself 5 years ago when I would hang out at the library to read until the school closed, for the sheer love of it, I felt overwhelmed with the library's collection that my 4-year stay wouldnt be enough and so, I grabbed all the time I could get. Tolkien, Anne Rice, Rowling, Johanna Lindsey, Stephen King, Sydney Sheldon, Gaiman... I read everything, from everyone. I was... weird. and lucky. Weird that despite being a part of the athletic organization and other active organization, I spent my time hiding from my friends to sneak out to my own little corner at the fully air-conditioned library. LUCKY, because despite my weird behaviors and interests and my flippant image, I was loved and trusted. People from all walks of life accepted me. It was cool and fun. And everyday I knew that God was watching over me while my angels were both breathing down my neck.

I remember how i used to read those novels, to me they were a portal to another world more real than the one I live in. I wonder why. I loved my life, it wasn't perfect, but it was fun... I was fun. And I saw books and stories more interesting than people. I was attracted to authors with a more visual writing style. I understood what they meant but now I realized that I didnt understand the reason behind them perfectly.

My favorite author back then were Tolkien and Rowling because I can visualize every second of every scene in their novels, it's a bit fanatical but I wouldnt sleep and if possible bat an eye until I was done with a book. 

Now i realized that I have been tricked. Their intentions in writing the stories made depleted my enthusiasm a bit. Maybe because it was religious and knowing that lessened the effect of the magic, i know that stories have reasons and meanings behind them, but I just didnt expect God to be involved in a huge way. 

Stupid me, where did I think they got the idea? 

Anyway, I truly believed in their imagination and their vision, and that's the reason I wanted to become a writer. They were the reason. But now, I clearly see where they were coming from. And I am just seeing where I am coming from.

Anyway, these writers, I don't even know if they have real emotions or not (i know how I sound). I learned that being a writer  doesn't necessarily require one to be emotional, you just got to have imagination and to be able to think logically. :o

This is the first time in my life that I have ever been emotional. I have to stop it this year. Quit being emotional and be a pirate. Be a samurai. Be a ninja. right.

This concludes my entry for today.

I think I'm still the same though in terms of writing... free.

now watching: 

 now obsessing over: Star Craft and Hunter X Hunter

now listening to: Maxim Mvrca